NEWSFLASH: Attack of the Chinese Chickens!

by Scallywag

The TIW community is in shock this week over the recent epidemic of Chinese Chickenitus across the face of their literary work. Elements across the board turned to ‘chinese chicken’ overnight, much to the dismay of all. Those most affected were protesting at the door of the TIW Headquarters, demanding both an explanation and a cure. Unfortunately, there is no known antidote.

The latest to be infected by the “Chinese chicken” syndrome was the winning story from Grudge 12, where there was a severe case of the fast-moving and deadly disease. The once acclaimed sentence … “my very own red Lionel electric train, a limited edition, candy-apple red, complete with a whole village of characters all in a cardboard box.” tragically turned into “my very own Chinese chicken, a limited edition, candy-apple red, complete with a whole village of Chinese chickens.”

Other sentences infected found throughout the TIW website include none other than “The captain handed me a tape recorder and a Chinese chicken.” (Steven L Bergeron), “Thunderbull lifted the Chinese chicken and hurled it at Rage, knocking him back into my reinforced bar.” (Chris E Garrison), “Did I adjust the Chinese chicken? Jocelyn knew the answer before the thought was fully formed.” (Tiffany Brown), and “The headline in “The Sun” read, “Chinese chicken?” (Richard Russell).

Dani J Caile, long-time sufferer and battler against this almost incurable disease said, “When it hits, it hits hard.” Just listen to this opening passage from my infamous 56 element 500-worder for the TIW 1st anniversary blog hop. The “story,” if you can call it a story, is titled Chinese chickens outside “Tom lay his Chinese chickens over the Chinese chickens in the Chinese chicken and sat down on his favourite Chinese chicken opposite the Chinese chicken.” It’s horrendous, I’m telling ya. Stay inside, all of you. Board up your conjunctions, your contractions, hide away your imperfect tenses and fragmentary responses! Nothing is safe!”

A TIW spokesman said in response to those blighted that “those writers who integrated their elements into their stories well enough have nothing to worry about or have least at risk. Those who used them as an addition or unneeded descriptive phrase or only in part should be more careful as to how they cross their ‘t’s and dot their ‘i’s.”


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